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I also became acquainted with the various child-rearing approaches and philosophies and was able to make up my own mind about what I wanted for my child because genius over here had never read a parenting book. Sure, I witnessed my share of mommy shaming. Mothers can be ruthless creatures sometimes.

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I can understand why. Step 5. Secure a village for yourself. They say it takes a village. As if it really takes a village to raise a child, I thought to myself. We have all this technology and information now, is it really necessary to rely on other people to help you do your job as a parent?


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I thought I could do everything myself and be a fabulous independent mama prancing her way down the street with one of those fancy strollers. Turns out fancy strollers and vibrating chairs will only take you so far. Whether your family or your friends are your village, or if you have to and are able to hire one, I think having support around you during the first or next 18 years of motherhood is crucial.

Whether your village cooks, cleans, or babysits so you can sleep or meet a friend for coffee, the village is the key. Trust me. It took me several years to realize that I needed one. Now that I have one, after 3 and a half years, I understand how precious it is and I never want to let it go. If I had a village back then, I think my first year of motherhood would have felt less like the fiery depths of hell.

E-mail Address. Mom Talk: 5 No-B. I would have been just a little closer to the exit.

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The clubs also helped educate mothers about improving sanitary conditions to cut down the incidence of disease and infant mortality, and raised money to purchase medicine for poorer families. These social action brigades, also taught mothers the importance of boiling water and demonstrated how to prevent food from spoiling, as well as other antiseptic practices.

They also helped to provide nursing care for the sick, and arranged proper medical attention for those who were suffering from tuberculosis. Mother Jarvis insisted the clubs declare their neutrality, so that they could provide aid to either the Confederate or the Union soldiers.

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Within such a dangerous environment, Mother Jarvis gathered four of these clubs together and requested that they pledge to one another that their friendship and goodwill would not become victims of the war that had started to rip apart the nation. She asked the clubs:. That all efforts to divide the churches and lodges should not only be frowned upon but prevented. It was important that the clubs remained neutral, as it enabled them to provide nursing assistance to soldiers from both sides during the divisive and destructive conflict.

Through the leadership of Mother Jarvis, the clubs provided food and clothing, and nursed the wounded soldiers from both Union and Confederate forces. They also helped directly when various diseases would break out in the ranks of either military unit. They served as a healing element within the polarized community and worked as peacemakers as they encouraged families to work out their differences and resentment brought about by the war. Her ultimate goal was to create a lasting memorial regarding the value of mothers. Unfortunately, Mother Jarvis passed away on May 9, , just over two years after her husband passed away.

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Unfortunately, the times have changed, and the value of motherhood today is not looked upon the same way it was by Anna Jarvis. It will be hard to return to a more innocent time, it will be hard to reverse the erosion of deeply ingrained American values. American citizens can choose respect over resentment and love over intolerance when it comes to the women who believe in and practice the values centered upon raising respectful and respectable children, or raising their daughters to become like Anna Jarvis, or raising their sons to become like a Dr. James Reeves. Before I lost my first baby I always disliked that women would identify themselves only as a mother.

Everyone has their own special talents and things to offer to the world and I felt that these women were doing their children and themselves a disservice. While motherhood is great, it should not be the only thing about you, or so I thought. When I found myself unexpectedly pregnant I suddenly felt as though I was morphing into one of these women.

I felt like a bright vibrant woman who had been thrown into a washer with a lot of bleach and come out a pale and tattered version of myself. This was something I really struggled with while I was pregnant. For a moment I felt free, I could still be who I was.

But when I ate sushi again and drank alcohol, I hated it. Yet, I felt like I could enjoy hip-hop again and watching movies that had a higher rating than PG.


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This was a huge realization for me.